What, Me Worry?
Here’s a story about the uselessness of worry.
To be sure we are talking about the same thing, a dictionary meaning of worry is: “a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.”
Worry is an emotion experienced about a real or imagined issue. There are a couple of theories we should mention: one is the Avoidance Model, and the other is the Cognitive Model.
Attempting to block vivid mental images is the Avoidance Model. Worry is a coping technique, and since most fears never materialize, the worrier believes they have succeeded in warding off the situation. They experience positive reinforcement that their worry worked. Therefore, they continue to worry.
Here’s an example: It was years ago.
The son of a woman I know had a job that involved frequent plane trips. The mother felt obligated to focus on worrying whenever he was airborne. I asked her what she thought would happen if she didn’t bother. She responded, with a straight face, “The plane would crash!” She needed that feeling of control to avoid images of the feared occurrence and further felt that her worry prevented his airplane from going down in flames.
The Cognitive Model is different in that it represents involuntary feelings expecting adverse outcomes that, in some individuals, are a habit. They always expect the worst. These individuals are in a continual state of worrying about one thing or another. In other words, they naturally dwell on involuntary and voluntary negative thoughts instead of considering positive outcomes.
Maybe you don’t fit into either model. However, if you are a parent, I know you are familiar with worry. While our children are growing up, we worry about their everyday activities, accomplishments and failures, nutrition, and avoidance of recreational drugs.
And surprisingly, we still worry about them as adults. No one told us we would still be concerned when they became grown-ups.
Then there is the other side — worrying about our parents.
My mother’s benign spine tumor was surgically removed during my years of trying to get divorced. She was hospitalized for a few weeks and then sent to rehab for a few more, necessitating frequent visits from me. I was so busy it was challenging to add this additional obligation. I was worried sick about her before her surgery and simultaneously worried about my upcoming divorce: where I would live, which furniture I would need, what to do with the rest, a job, and money, my number one concern.
My sleep was limited to three hours a night because I had so much on my plate. I kept ticking off my list of woes when I woke up in the middle of the night. I was afraid I might have to confront a problem for which I had not prepared a solution if I had forgotten to worry about it. So, the worry was my control activity. Overwhelming!
A friend suggested a solution, a technique called “Parking.”
One night before bed, I took a pen and pencil to write down each area of worry. I had seven different topics. Then, I realized each issue had subtitles. I filled the paper with every big and little trouble, removing some of the pressure I felt. I sometimes got to six hours of uninterrupted sleep.
There are many other techniques around to subdue worry. I Googled “Techniques to control worry” and came upon this: How to Stop Worrying — HelpGuide.org. I was impressed with its comprehensive approach to stopping worrying and its Five-Step suggestion. You may want to look it up if you need help.